After sharing part of our spiritual journey in this post about being still before God, many of our friends responded with encouragement, blessing, and eagerness to hear more. We've learned that so many have gone or are going through similar times of unknown and waiting upon God. Some have been brilliantly refined while others have resisted, struggled, and questioned. So many have contacted us personally, thankful for our transparency, because through our post they were able to put words to some of their own story. A question that were heard several times was, "What exactly did the act of being still before God look like for you?" It's not easy putting words to it, but enough of you have asked that we wanted to share as best we could in case our story can help anyone else along on their spiritual journey. Obviously, there's no one way to do this. No right or wrong way. This is just what it looked like for us.
This may get long, so if you aren't interested don't feel like you have to keep reading. But please check out part 3 of this Being Still series (next week) where we'll share some of the results as we are coming out of this phase. When you humble yourself enough to allow God to work mightily in you, you can definitely expect something unexpected and exciting!
Physical offering of stillness:
It's easy to say, "I'm just waiting on God." But actually coming up with something tangible to give up before God changes the game. It adds a new dimension for God to use, refine, and empower in you. It could be actually physically making your body be still in meditation, or cutting something out of our "go, go, go" schedule. It doesn't matter if anyone else knows about it, it's something between you and God. But some kind of tangible offering of stillness is important. For us, it was our finances. Jared was blessed with a job at the Nashville airport to help us get by while we started fundraising for our ministry with Ethos and future ministry in London. The plan was to raise enough support so that he could quit and dedicate full-time hours to ministry. After our survey trip in January, however, the door just seemed to shut on our plans. Before that time things were falling into place and we felt the Lord saying, "go, go, go," and then like a light switch it changed to "stop, stop, stop." We didn't know what to do or how to move forward. So, after a lot of prayer, we made a tough decision to stay in our financial situation as a stillness offering to God as we worked through future plans. This meant a fuller schedule with less income (though we are thankful for the amount his airport job did provide). A pregnancy happening a little earlier than planned meant I had to put off plans to adjunct teach at a local college. All of our plans as far as finances were concerned were put on hold.
I went back and forth on whether or not I would share this part of our waiting period, because I do not at all want to appear to be flaunting our sacrifice. Honestly, it sucked and I'd prefer not to share it. But I thought being specific would be helpful. This was the best physical offering of slowing down our plans and putting them before God that we could think of, so it's what we did. I wish I could express the importance of this offering, but I'm not sure I have the words. I hope you are encouraged to come up with a tangible "stillness" offering to God if you go through a similar time.
Emotional phases: Silence and Confession:
We went through a 3-6 month period of significant silence. Silence between each other, with others, and with God. It's not that we were keeping secrets, but rather the journey we were going through just seemed to demand a time of silence. It was so weird not to share openly with each other. We've been blessed as a couple with great communication; we talk about anything and everything. But conversations about our ministry plans were so hard during this time. And I'm thankful for it. We've tackled so many life twists and turns as a couple, but this was one we each needed to tackle personally first. Looking back I can see how different our journeys were. We each needed to walk through this in a different way, and God helped us do that so we could be more powerful as a couple. We shared with each other some of the things we were doing in our personal study time, and we had occasional conversations. But for the better part of this year we each walked our journey with God, and He eventually brought us to the same place through very different routes.
We also struggled with how to share this journey with others. We just couldn't have the in depth conversations with our mentors (which is how we normally work through these kinds of situations). We did, however, tell people we were going through something big and invited them to pray for us.
Silence before God was a huge part of my (Laura's) journey. It's not that I didn't pray, in fact I spent more time in prayer. But I seriously had no words to my prayers. I set aside time with God and I would end it without having said anything. It wasn't planned that way, I just could not find a way to make the words come. I learned the power of Romans 8:26, "...the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." I experienced the most powerful prayers of my life without saying a single word. This lasted about 3 months for me. I had no problem praying for other people during this time, but when it was personal between me and God, I just spent countless silent hours before Him.
After silence, which was tough and intense, came a time of confession, which was even tougher (but so good). I'm not talking about confessing sin, but being able to share with others the deepest spiritual journey we've been on. It's emotional. Our first significant time of sharing was at the Pepperdine lectures. We had previously committed to sharing about our plans for church planting in London. Obviously it was not as straight forward when the time for the lectures came around. So we shared about how we were on a similar journey as the Israelites when God called them out of Egypt. He led them powerfully with signs and wonders. Then when they were at Jericho, they could see God's promised future before them, but instead of charging in they were asked to spend a week circling the walls of Jericho. So, instead of sharing about a new church planting project (which was the title of the class), we shared about how we were in a time of waiting and circling the walls. Sharing the first "Being Still" post was also a significant moment for us. You can't imagine how much I agonized over writing it. Moving from going through a tough time to sharing publicly about it is a significant step and, if the timing is right, brings so much peace.
Tangible exercises:
OK, we're getting out of some of the heavier stuff now and moving into some of the specific exercises/studies that we did during this time.
1. Red letter words: During my time of silence I searched the Psalms to try to steal some words for myself. I was struck by how many talk about how great God's laws are. Did you get that, not how great God is (though there are plenty of those as well), but how great his laws are. So I wanted to meditate on his laws. I'm weird and love the boring Old Testament stuff, so I normally would have gone through some of the books of the law. But instead I decided only to read Jesus' words. I started in Matthew and only read the text that was in red. Wow. You may be surprised at what stands out to you when you do this :)
2. Asking questions: It is so important to understand that God allows us to ask questions of him. We are too often deceived into thinking that any form of question or doubt is wrong. But scripture is full of examples of God's faithful people questioning him. He is patient with us and our growth journey. I think it's important to allow ourselves this spiritual practice, as long as we do it in a healthy way. Otherwise, it would become easy to get caught in a downward spiral of questioning. I took my lead from the Psalms, where some of the most intense questioning is recorded. Here was my practice: 1) Ask my questions 2) State truths about God. Psalm 22 is a great example. "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning? O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, and am not silent..." This is some intense questioning of God! But it's then immediately followed by some truths, "Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One; you are the praise of Israel." Psalm 13 is another good one, "How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?...Look on me and answer, O Lord my God...But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation." So, ask your questions of God. But after you question him, state the truths you know about Him so you don't get caught in a downward spiral. (And just a warning, sometimes he may just put you in your place like in Job 38).
3. The Lord's Prayer: During a spiritual retreat away, a time dedicated to prayer and study, I only prayed the Lord's Prayer (Matthew 6:9-13). So, yes, that meant I prayed it about 1,000 times in those couple of days. But it had new power each time. Surprisingly it never got redundant or boring. In fact, it was such a powerful experience for me that I still often start off my prayers with the Lord's Prayer.
We both did other studies and journaling and such, but these were some of the practices that really stood out during this time. So, for those of you who asked or cared, there you have it. That's what our time of stillness before God looked like. Props to you if you made it to the end of this post :) Be sure you catch part 3 next week!
This may get long, so if you aren't interested don't feel like you have to keep reading. But please check out part 3 of this Being Still series (next week) where we'll share some of the results as we are coming out of this phase. When you humble yourself enough to allow God to work mightily in you, you can definitely expect something unexpected and exciting!
Physical offering of stillness:
It's easy to say, "I'm just waiting on God." But actually coming up with something tangible to give up before God changes the game. It adds a new dimension for God to use, refine, and empower in you. It could be actually physically making your body be still in meditation, or cutting something out of our "go, go, go" schedule. It doesn't matter if anyone else knows about it, it's something between you and God. But some kind of tangible offering of stillness is important. For us, it was our finances. Jared was blessed with a job at the Nashville airport to help us get by while we started fundraising for our ministry with Ethos and future ministry in London. The plan was to raise enough support so that he could quit and dedicate full-time hours to ministry. After our survey trip in January, however, the door just seemed to shut on our plans. Before that time things were falling into place and we felt the Lord saying, "go, go, go," and then like a light switch it changed to "stop, stop, stop." We didn't know what to do or how to move forward. So, after a lot of prayer, we made a tough decision to stay in our financial situation as a stillness offering to God as we worked through future plans. This meant a fuller schedule with less income (though we are thankful for the amount his airport job did provide). A pregnancy happening a little earlier than planned meant I had to put off plans to adjunct teach at a local college. All of our plans as far as finances were concerned were put on hold.
I went back and forth on whether or not I would share this part of our waiting period, because I do not at all want to appear to be flaunting our sacrifice. Honestly, it sucked and I'd prefer not to share it. But I thought being specific would be helpful. This was the best physical offering of slowing down our plans and putting them before God that we could think of, so it's what we did. I wish I could express the importance of this offering, but I'm not sure I have the words. I hope you are encouraged to come up with a tangible "stillness" offering to God if you go through a similar time.
Emotional phases: Silence and Confession:
We went through a 3-6 month period of significant silence. Silence between each other, with others, and with God. It's not that we were keeping secrets, but rather the journey we were going through just seemed to demand a time of silence. It was so weird not to share openly with each other. We've been blessed as a couple with great communication; we talk about anything and everything. But conversations about our ministry plans were so hard during this time. And I'm thankful for it. We've tackled so many life twists and turns as a couple, but this was one we each needed to tackle personally first. Looking back I can see how different our journeys were. We each needed to walk through this in a different way, and God helped us do that so we could be more powerful as a couple. We shared with each other some of the things we were doing in our personal study time, and we had occasional conversations. But for the better part of this year we each walked our journey with God, and He eventually brought us to the same place through very different routes.
We also struggled with how to share this journey with others. We just couldn't have the in depth conversations with our mentors (which is how we normally work through these kinds of situations). We did, however, tell people we were going through something big and invited them to pray for us.
Silence before God was a huge part of my (Laura's) journey. It's not that I didn't pray, in fact I spent more time in prayer. But I seriously had no words to my prayers. I set aside time with God and I would end it without having said anything. It wasn't planned that way, I just could not find a way to make the words come. I learned the power of Romans 8:26, "...the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." I experienced the most powerful prayers of my life without saying a single word. This lasted about 3 months for me. I had no problem praying for other people during this time, but when it was personal between me and God, I just spent countless silent hours before Him.
After silence, which was tough and intense, came a time of confession, which was even tougher (but so good). I'm not talking about confessing sin, but being able to share with others the deepest spiritual journey we've been on. It's emotional. Our first significant time of sharing was at the Pepperdine lectures. We had previously committed to sharing about our plans for church planting in London. Obviously it was not as straight forward when the time for the lectures came around. So we shared about how we were on a similar journey as the Israelites when God called them out of Egypt. He led them powerfully with signs and wonders. Then when they were at Jericho, they could see God's promised future before them, but instead of charging in they were asked to spend a week circling the walls of Jericho. So, instead of sharing about a new church planting project (which was the title of the class), we shared about how we were in a time of waiting and circling the walls. Sharing the first "Being Still" post was also a significant moment for us. You can't imagine how much I agonized over writing it. Moving from going through a tough time to sharing publicly about it is a significant step and, if the timing is right, brings so much peace.
Tangible exercises:
OK, we're getting out of some of the heavier stuff now and moving into some of the specific exercises/studies that we did during this time.
1. Red letter words: During my time of silence I searched the Psalms to try to steal some words for myself. I was struck by how many talk about how great God's laws are. Did you get that, not how great God is (though there are plenty of those as well), but how great his laws are. So I wanted to meditate on his laws. I'm weird and love the boring Old Testament stuff, so I normally would have gone through some of the books of the law. But instead I decided only to read Jesus' words. I started in Matthew and only read the text that was in red. Wow. You may be surprised at what stands out to you when you do this :)
2. Asking questions: It is so important to understand that God allows us to ask questions of him. We are too often deceived into thinking that any form of question or doubt is wrong. But scripture is full of examples of God's faithful people questioning him. He is patient with us and our growth journey. I think it's important to allow ourselves this spiritual practice, as long as we do it in a healthy way. Otherwise, it would become easy to get caught in a downward spiral of questioning. I took my lead from the Psalms, where some of the most intense questioning is recorded. Here was my practice: 1) Ask my questions 2) State truths about God. Psalm 22 is a great example. "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning? O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, and am not silent..." This is some intense questioning of God! But it's then immediately followed by some truths, "Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One; you are the praise of Israel." Psalm 13 is another good one, "How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?...Look on me and answer, O Lord my God...But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation." So, ask your questions of God. But after you question him, state the truths you know about Him so you don't get caught in a downward spiral. (And just a warning, sometimes he may just put you in your place like in Job 38).
3. The Lord's Prayer: During a spiritual retreat away, a time dedicated to prayer and study, I only prayed the Lord's Prayer (Matthew 6:9-13). So, yes, that meant I prayed it about 1,000 times in those couple of days. But it had new power each time. Surprisingly it never got redundant or boring. In fact, it was such a powerful experience for me that I still often start off my prayers with the Lord's Prayer.
We both did other studies and journaling and such, but these were some of the practices that really stood out during this time. So, for those of you who asked or cared, there you have it. That's what our time of stillness before God looked like. Props to you if you made it to the end of this post :) Be sure you catch part 3 next week!
Thank you for sharing. Read every word and I can relate to much of it. Love you guys.
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